For Jan
Hope you enjoy this one like I did!!!!
Q: How many lawyers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Such number as may be deemed to perform the stated task in a
timely and efficient manner within the strictures of the following
agreement:
Whereas the party of the first part, also known as “The Lawyer”,
and the party of the second part, also known as “The Light Bulb”,
do hereby and forthwith agree to a transaction wherein the party of
the second part (Light Bulb) shall be removed from the current
position as a result of failure to perform previously agreed upon
duties, i.e., the lighting, elucidation, and otherwise illumination of
the area ranging from the front (north) door, through the entry way,
terminating at an area just inside the primary living area,
demarcated by the beginning of the carpet, any spillover
illumination being at the option of the party of the second part
(Light Bulb) and not required by the aforementioned agreement
between the parties. The aforementioned removal transaction shall
include, but not be limited to, the following steps:
1.) The party of the first part (Lawyer) shall, with or without
elevation at his option, by means of a chair, stepstool, ladder or
any other means of elevation, grasp the party of the second part
(Light Bulb) and rotate the party of the second part (Light Bulb) in a
counter-clockwise direction, said direction being non-negotiable.
Said grasping and rotation of the party of the second part (Light
Bulb) shall be undertaken by the party of the first part (Lawyer) with
every possible caution by the party of the first part (Lawyer) to
maintain the structural integrity of the party of the second part
(Light Bulb), notwithstanding the aforementioned failure of the party
of the second part (Light Bulb) to perform the aforementioned
customary and agreed upon duties. The foregoing notwithstanding,
however, both parties stipulate that structural failure of the party of
the second part (Light Bulb) may be incidental to the
aforementioned failure to perform and in such case the party of the
first part (Lawyer) shall be held blameless for such structural failure
insofar as this agreement is concerned so long as the non-
negotiable directional codicil (counter-clockwise) is observed by the
party of the first part (Lawyer) throughout.
2.) Upon reaching a point where the party of the second part (Light
Bulb) becomes separated from the party of the third part
(”Receptacle”), the party of the first part (Lawyer) shall have the
option of disposing of the party of the second part (Light Bulb) in a
manner consistent with all applicable state, local and federal
statutes.
3.) Once separation and disposal have been achieved, the party of
the first part (Lawyer) shall have the option of beginning installation
of the party of the fourth part (”New Light Bulb”). This installation
shall occur in a manner consistent with the reverse of the
procedures described in step one of this self-same document,
being careful to note that the rotation should occur in a clockwise
direction, said direction also being non-negotiable.
NOTE: The above described steps may be performed, at the option
of the party of the first part (Lawyer), by said party of the first part
(Lawyer), by his heirs and assigns, or by any and all persons
authorized by him to do so, the objective being to produce a level of
illumination in the immediate vicinity of the aforementioned front
(north) door consistent with maximization of ingress and revenue
for the party of the fifth part, also known as “The Firm”.
Have a nice day….somewhere else.
Marius Calitz
mariusc@…