Lawns
“Winterize your lawn,” the big sign outside the garden store commanded.
I’ve fed it, watered it, mowed it, raked it and watched a lot of it die
anyway. Now I’m supposed to winterize it? I hope it’s too late. Grass
lawns have to be the stupidest thing we’ve come up with outside of thong
swimsuits! We constantly battle dandelions, Queen Anne’s lace, thistle,
violets, chicory and clover that thrive naturally, so we can grow grass
that must be nursed through an annual four-step chemical dependency.
Imagine the conversation The Creator might have with St. Francis about this:
“Frank you know all about gardens and nature. What in the world is going
on down there in the Midwest? What happened to the dandelions, violets,
thistle and stuff I started eons ago? I had a perfect, no-maintenance
garden plan. Those plants grow in any type of soil, withstand drought and
multiply with abandon. The nectar from the long-lasting blossoms attracted
butterflies, honey bees and flocks of songbirds. I expected to see a vast
garden of colors by now. But all I see are these green rectangles.”
“It’s the tribes that settled there, Lord. The Suburbanites. They started
calling your flowers ‘weeds’ and went to great extent to kill them and
replace them with grass.”
“Grass? But it’s so boring. It’s not colorful. It doesn’t attract
butterflies, birds and bees, only grubs and sod worms. It’s
temperamental with temperatures. Do these Suburbanites really want all
that grass growing there?”
“Apparently so, Lord. They go to great pains to grow it and keep it
green. They begin each spring by fertilizing grass and poisoning any other
plant that crops up in the lawn.”
“The spring rains and cool weather probably make grass grow really fast.
That must make the Suburbanites happy.”
“Apparently not, Lord. As soon as it grows a little, they cut it -
sometimes twice a week.”
“They cut it? Do they then bale it like hay?”
“Not exactly, Lord. Most of them rake it up and put it in bags.”
“They bag it? Why? Is it a cash crop? Do they sell it?”
“No, sir. Just the opposite. They pay to throw it away.”
“Now let me get this straight. They fertilize grass so it will grow. And
when it does grow, they cut it off and pay to throw it
away?”
“Yes, sir.”
“These Suburbanites must be relieved in the summer when we cut back on the
rain and turn up the heat. That surely slows the growth and saves them a
lot of work.”
“You aren’t going believe this Lord. When the grass stops growing so fast,
they drag out hoses and pay more money to water it so they can continue to
mow it and pay to get rid of it.”
“What nonsense! At least they kept some of the trees. That was a sheer
stroke of genius, if I do say so myself. The trees grow leaves in the
spring to provide beauty and shade in the summer. In the autumn they fall
to the ground and form a natural blanket to keep moisture in the soil and
protect the trees and bushes. Plus, as they rot, the leaves form compost
to enhance the soil. It’s a natural circle of life.”
“You better sit down, Lord. The Suburbanites have drawn a new circle. As
soon as the leaves fall, they rake them into great piles and have them
hauled away.”
“No! What do they do to protect the shrub and tree roots in the winter and
keep the soil moist and loose?”
“After throwing away your leaves, they go out and buy something they call
mulch. They haul it home and spread it around in place of the leaves.”
“And where do they get this mulch?”
“They cut down trees and grind them up.”
“Enough! I don’t want to think about this anymore. Saint Catherine,
you’re in charge of the arts. What movie have you
scheduled for us tonight?”
“Dumb and Dumber, Lord. It’s a real stupid movie about…”
“Never mind I think I just heard the whole story.”
April 15th, 2004 at 3:37 pm
LOL!! That was a good one, I’ve read a similar “conversation”
between God and Moses regarding PC’s and the Ten
Commandments!!!
A mozzie (mosquito) just zapped me on the arm…with all this rain
that we’ve had they’ll come in droves to feast on my sweet blood…
this one might have a sweet tooth, or is it sweet proboscis?
Yesterday one settled on the bedroom wall and my wife couldn’t
find the can of insecticide quick enough…sprayed it with hairspray
instead, it instantly turned into a mini hanglider…
We have a real problem here in Northern Natal, this is one of the
few active malaria areas and we have to be on the constant lookout
for the female mozzies ’cause it’s only the female that is the carrier.
NO Jan…we DON’T look for breasts on them…the female is striped
and when she settles her abdomen is slightly raised.
Quite a few people die every year from malaria. It’s mostly in
Northern Natal, Mocambique and the Eastern Transvaal that people
have to be careful for. The quinine tablets that we drink doesn’t
always help.
Date sent: Thu, 21 Oct 1999 20:50:24 -0500
From: jan hughey <jhughey@…
To: Healthy Humor <healthy-humor@eGroups.com
Send reply to: diabetics@onelist.com
Subject: [diabetics] Re: Lawns
Have a nice day….somewhere else.
Marius Calitz
mariusc@…
April 20th, 2004 at 6:32 pm
Marius,
Are the mosquito problem worse certain times of the year or all year
around. When we lived in Minnesota they were terrible in the summer and
late fall. Now that we live in Florida the only time that we do not have
lots of them is the winter months unless we have warmer weather with lots
of water. They can be very vicious in Minnesota where you can hear them
outside the screen just swarming to get in. We do not have that same
feeling in Florida. I am very careful about getting bit by red fire ants
or mosquitos because I get infected so easily and with the healing so
slow I don’t want to end up in the hospital. I am allergic to bee also.
It can be very serious. I take benedryl here to stop the itch and use
local meds so i do not scratch them. I also that quinine at times not
for malaria but for leg pain. My doctor said that if I drank 8 oz. of
quinine water or a pill it would help the leg cramps and that really does
seem to help.
Marius, you tell us all the terrible things that happen in your country
but you still must love it bacause it is home. Have you always lived
there? I have been all over the US and seen a lot of the country except
north of DC. I would love to see Martha’s Vineyard and the Boston’s
Harbor and the Statue of Liberty and have a hot dog on Coney Island but
really I do love living in Florida. I don’t like the crime, snakes,
hurricanes, but it has culture, theatre, beaches, great shopping, good
food, and great people here. I lived up north most of my life and miss
the colored leaves of the fall and the great people but over all the move
was good. I really do not know what your situation is about changing
where you live. If there are any options but sometimes you need to take
the plunge and change things. Costs are great and moving expensive. Can
you transfer to another area where the job will help you move so that you
can maybe have better co-workers. Will they help sell and buy another
home for you..or can you get help to resettle in the industry? I have a
feeling down deep even with all the bad that the country is beautiful and
you are willing to put up with the bad to enjoy the envirnoment around
you. Are the school good for your daughter? I know that you tell POOR
mother-in-law jokes but it is good at times to have family around to help
when you have medical problems.
By the way in one of your posts you said that you were under the
weather. Having a hard time breathing and tired. Were you looking for
sympathy or is it serious. Don’t overlook the symptoms if you are having
trouble. Your sugars may be a little better but NOT UNDER
CONTROL!!!!!!!!! We are not mother hens on this list and you are a big
rooster so act like one and take the challenge up to get them under
control for yourself, your daughter, and wife Wendy. They need and love
you….we are miles away and can not slap the hand that is taking
anything but cardboard to your mouth. You need to think before
inserting. Chew and spit…teehee!!! Not really you need some energy
food and need to take your meals, and meds on time. Get with the
program…you have been with it a long time and need to set the role
model example for us youngns’….take care..Becki
April 21st, 2004 at 10:36 am
Hi Becks, no, I’m not looking for sympathy, those symptoms are
as real as anything and I would NEVER lie to the list, sometimes I
would joke yes but I think you know me by now and know when I’m
joking or not.
I dare not leave my job or resign as all available jobs are reserved
for the “previously disadvantaged” (blacks) by the government.
And yes your feeling is right, I do not want to leave as this is the
most beautiful country on God’s green earth, not unless I really
HAVE to…
Selling and buying another house??…no, here it’s everyone for
himself. I’ll only lose if I had to sell, besides, where would I find a
job?
The school is good for our daughter and she enjoys it very much,
cannot wait for “big” school next year!!
I have some trouble regarding my BG, or at least I think it’s related
to high sugar and that is a fungus (candida?)in the genital region
and burning urine, I was a bit shy to mention it but we’re all adults
and I think the ladies might have similar problems. I’ve only noticed
this whenever my sugar is excessively high.
The mozzies only come forward in summer…bunch of COWARDS!!!
To: diabetics@onelist.com
Date sent: Fri, 22 Oct 1999 08:56:26 -0700
From: becra@…
Send reply to: diabetics@onelist.com
Subject: Re: [diabetics] Re: Lawns
Have a nice day….somewhere else.
Marius Calitz
mariusc@…
April 21st, 2004 at 9:21 pm
In a message dated 10/22/99 9:04:40 AM Eastern Daylight Time, becra@…
writes:
<< gy
food and need to take your meals, and meds on time. Get with the
program…you have been with it a long time and need to set the role
model example for us youngns’….take care..Becki
Well Becki……you really gave it to dear Marius but with a gentle heart.
Good for you!
Christine
April 22nd, 2004 at 11:52 am
Do I smell a conspiracy…albeit with gentle hearts???
From: CMAG242@…
Date sent: Fri, 22 Oct 1999 17:03:21 EDT
To: diabetics@onelist.com
Send reply to: diabetics@onelist.com
Subject: Re: [diabetics] Re: Lawns
April 22nd, 2004 at 10:37 pm
In a message dated 10/22/99 5:47:22 PM Eastern Daylight Time,
mariusc@… writes:
<<
Do I smell a conspiracy…albeit with gentle hearts???
No conspiracy.Just a whole lot of caring!
Christine
April 23rd, 2004 at 6:49 am
YIKES!!!!!!
May 3rd, 2004 at 3:26 am
Marius…the fungi that you are talking about does affect as all I have
been told. It feeds on high sugars and one of the symptoms of having a
problem. I was told that it feeds off the excess surgar in your body and
grows very quickly. It can be found in many parts of your body and not
just in the private parts. I have had friends that have had it cover a
lot of the body. It is very painful and hard to get rid of. You must
keep it dry and use meds. THere are some over the counter meds that do
help but if it get bad you should see your doc. I do not know if it will
increase your sugars after getting it but it might be an indication that
you have a problem if your sugars are high and then you see the fungus.
I would not let it get out of hand. I have only myself suffered with
this a couple of times and I use the meds and it subsides. I know that
on one of the other lists that I was on they had a big dicussion about it
and the women said it was common with them but the men also said that
they had problems with it also. It is not the same type of fungus that
some call yeast infection but similar and reacts similar. It is funny
but that is one question that the doc. asks quite often so it must be
common.
How old is your daughter? You said that she was ready for the big
class. I have a 15 year old that is in high school right now and also a
daughter who is doig grad work in DC. It is fun to see them grow and
mature. My children are good kids and I enjoy the challenge of raising
them with our standards and beliefs.
Some day it would be fun to travel and see more of the world. I
would love to go to Sweden where my husband’s family is from. I have
been to Canada and Japan plus most of the US but there is so much world
out there that I have not experienced. Traveling is different than
living there but it still can open your eyes to the economy and problems
of that country. The US is not perfect but once you have spent time in
some other countries you do appreciate what you have. We do have more
freedoms and “gifts” than some countries but we do not have some of the
health options that some countries have. We do have lots of beautiful
land and beaches. It is a wonderful country and so much to see in such
a small area. You have 4 seasons to 1 season and mountains to prairies,
to beach land. It is great..come and visit.
Marius, I realize that change is not the answer so compromise seems
to be the answer. You have a job which allows you to explore and grow
on the job that might make advancement possible. Also are there classes
in a university which would allow you to change jobs or even make life
more enjoyable for self enrichment like a theatre or art class. You do
have skills in both that could allow you more inner freedom. You are a
good person, I almost said Y chromosome (tease my boss and hubby about it
all the time) but you need to look out for your own well being and what
is good for your family. If you are not there they will be lost.
Enough..Amen..Becki
May 3rd, 2004 at 1:10 pm
Hi Becks, thanks for the lovely sermon!
My daughter will be six in November and is starting BIG school on
18 January. She is in a pre-school class now.
I would love to go for a trip to the US…*sigh*, I think that every
country has it’s own special charms, would like to travel but all I
can afford is TV travel. lol
ADVANCEMENT on the job???….Becks, THAT is reserved for the
“previously disadvantaged” and not for us here in the office. I will
go on pension doing what I’m doing now and it’s terribly frustrating,
realizing that I CAN do much more than I’m doing now. I’m NOT
being used to full potential.
Nearly didn’t come to work today, just before I had to leave, I had a
severe nosebleed. My shirt was all messed up, full of blood. My
wife made me lay on the bed with an ice pack on my head.
(is that the same as CHILLING OUT or KEEPING A COOL HEAD?)
Eventually the bleeding stopped and I decided to come to work.
To: diabetics@onelist.com
Date sent: Sat, 23 Oct 1999 09:08:22 -0700
From: becra@…
Send reply to: diabetics@onelist.com
Subject: Re: [diabetics] Re: Lawns
Have a nice day….somewhere else.
Marius Calitz
mariusc@…
May 5th, 2004 at 7:31 am
In a message dated 10/23/99 12:33:50 PM Eastern Daylight Time,
mariusc@… writes:
<<
Nearly didn’t come to work today, just before I had to leave, I had a
severe nosebleed. My shirt was all messed up, full of blood. My
wife made me lay on the bed with an ice pack on my head.
(is that the same as CHILLING OUT or KEEPING A COOL HEAD?)
Eventually the bleeding stopped and I decided to come to work.
Marius……that could be from HIGH bp. What is your SITREP today?
Christine
May 5th, 2004 at 10:02 pm
I also thunk it was HBP…BG=14mmol/l and coming down…
I’m so angry I could breastfeed a crocodile….*mumble…moan…*
From: CMAG242@…
Date sent: Sat, 23 Oct 1999 18:58:13 EDT
To: diabetics@onelist.com
Send reply to: diabetics@onelist.com
Subject: Re: [diabetics] Re: Lawns
Have a nice day….somewhere else.
Marius Calitz
mariusc@…