God and Moses
-A Conversation Between God and Moses
“Excuse me, sir.”
“Is that you again, Moses?”
“I’m afraid it is, sir.”
“What is it this time, Moses. More computer problems?”
“How did you guess?”
“I don’t have to guess, Moses. Remember?”
“Oh, yeah. I forgot.”
“Tell me what you want, Moses.”
“But you already know. Remember?”
“Moses!”
“Sorry, sir.”
“Well, go ahead, Moses. Spit it out!”
“Well, I have a question, sir. You know those ten things you
sent me.”
“You mean the commandments, Moses?”
“That’s it. I was wondering if they were important.”
“What do you mean ‘were important,’ Moses? Of course,
they are important.
Otherwise I wouldn’t have sent them to you.”
“Well, sorry, but I lost them. I could say the dog ate them,
but of course
you would see right through that.”
“What do you mean ‘you lost them’! Are you trying to tell
me you didn’t save
them, Moses?”
“No, sir. I forgot.”
“Well, my son always saves, Moses.”
“Yeah, I know. You told me that before. I was going to, but
I forgot. I did
send them to some people before I lost them though.”
“And did you hear back from any of them?”
“You already know I did.”
“What about the one guy who said he never uses ’shalt
not?’ Can he change the
words a little bit?”
“Yes, Moses. As long as he doesn’t change the meaning.”
“And what about the guy who thought your stance was a
little harsh and
recommended calling them the Ten Suggestions or letting
people pick one or
two to try for a while?”
“Moses, I’ll act like I didn’t hear that.”
“I think that means, ‘no.’ Well, what about the guy who
said I was scamming
him?”
“I think that is spamming, Moses.”
“Oh, yeah. I e-mailed him back and told him I don’t even eat
that stuff and I
have no idea how you can send it to someone through a
computer.”
“And what he did say?”
“You know what he said. He used your name in vain. You
don’t think he might
have sent me one of those plagues and that’s the reason I
lost those ten
things, do you?”
“They’re called viruses, Moses.”
“Whatever! This computer stuff is just too much for me.
Can we just go back
to those stone tablets? It was hard on my back taking
them out and reading
them each day, but I never lost them.”
“We’ll do it the new way, Moses.”
“I was afraid you would say that, sir.”
“Moses, what did I tell you to do if you messed up?”
“You told me to hold up this rat and stretch it out toward
the computer.”
“It’s a mouse, Moses. Mouse! Mouse! And did you do that?”
“No, I decided to try the technical support first. After all,
who knows more
about this stuff than you, and I really like your hours. By
the way, sir, did
Noah have two of these mice on the ark?”
“No, Moses.”
“One other thing. Why didn’t you name them frogs instead
of mice, because
didn’t you tell me the thing they sit on is a pad?”
“I didn’t name them, Moses. Man did, and you can call yours
a beatnik if you
want to.”
“Oh, that explains it. Kind of like Adam, huh, sir? I bet some
woman told him
to call it a mouse. After all, wasn’t it a woman who named
one of the
computers Apple?”
“Say goodnight, Moses.”
“Wait a minute, sir. I am stretching out the mouse and it
seems to be
working. Yes, a couple of the ten things have come back.”
“Which ones are they, Moses?”
“Let’s see. ‘Thou shalt not steal from any grave an image’
and ‘Thou shalt
not uncover thy neighbor’s wife.’”
“Turn the computer off, Moses. I’m sending you another
set of stone tablets.
How does ‘Same Day Air’ sound?”
Have a nice day….somewhere else.
Marius Calitz
mariusc@…