some funny stuff
Dioxin: What you say before you kill a herd of buffalo-like cattle.
Dilate: When a person lives longer than expected.
Dictator: Another name for Richard Spud.
—
“How come you’re late?” asks the bartender as the blonde waitress walks in
the door “It was awful,” she explains. “I was walking down Elm Street and
there was
this terrible accident. A man was lying in the middle of the street; he was
thrown from
his car. His leg was broken, his skull was fractured, and there was blood
everywhere. Thank
Goodness I took that first-aid course; all my training came back to me in a
minute.”
“What did you do?” asks the bartender.
“I sat down and put my head between my knees to keep from fainting —
—
A woman was complaining to the neighbor that her husband always came home
late, no matter how she tried to stop him.
“Take my advice,” said the neighbour, “and do what I did.
“Once my husband came home at three o’clock in the morning, and from my
bed, I called out, ‘Is that you, Jim ?’ And that cured him.”
“Cured him!” asked the woman, “but how ?”
The neighbor said, “You see, his name is Bill.”
—
Never be afraid to try something new.
Remember, amateurs built the ark.
Professionals built the Titanic.
—
“Congratulations my boy!” said the groom’s uncle. “I’m sure you’ll look
back and remember today as the happiest day of your life.”
“But I’m not getting married until tomorrow.” Protested his nephew. ”
I know,” replied the uncle. “That’s exactly what I mean.”